A Cord of Three

Dear Children,

Apparently there is a day set aside for honoring siblinghood. April 10th. Etch it in your brain.

By the time you are old enough to be wanting to read your mother’s thoughts, you will have learned that your mama is in love with holidays. Even made up ones like National Siblings Day. In our family we celebrate even the littlest holidays in a big way.

Your dad and I were never going to have three kids. We always said if we had three, we would go on and have four. No middle child. But none of you followed any plans we had made for creating a family and the doctor said three was as high as we were going so three is what we have. You will find in life that three is a tricky number, despite what Schoolhouse Rock tells you.

In any group of three humans, it’s easy to become a two and a one. Sometimes that’s healthy. It is right now most of the time with you. There are activities that two of you enjoy more than one and that is fine. The individuals comprising the two rotate on a daily basis and I think that is good. You are developing friendship and commonalities with each of your siblings and that gives me joy.

But there are days when the two use their combined two-ness to exclude the one. Even to hurt the one. It’s interesting that even young children have picked up that two creates domination over the one. Each of you has already retreated to your rooms in a torrent of tears, feeling the injustice of a power imbalance. Daughters, by the time you hit high school, you will have found that your female peers have mastered this tool of leverage. This is why we already have a house rule of two or four (plus) girls play together. Three girls are born to trouble as surely as sparks fly upward. Son, this will bewilder you and your male friends. Just steer clear of gal groups of three and you will be a happier teenager.

But three you are. And three you will be. If I could bestow a blessing on you, or pray a verse over you, it is this: A cord of three strands is not easily broken (Ecclesiastes 4:12b). My hope for you is that you always love Jesus and you always love each other. That you love each other like a cord of three strands and that you are not easily broken.

Your siblings are going to make life choices that irritate you. One may pick a career path you think is a mistake. One may marry a person you don’t particularly care for. One may plummet into a godless pit of addiction or evil or just plain self-centeredness. One may simply have completely different habits or hobbies. The danger will become for two to exclude the one. It starts so subtly that you won’t recognize its beginning. A little gossip. A little mutual congratulations on not being like the one. And before long it’s a monster of exclusion. The one will notice long before the two ever realize its existence. Your example of how you treat the one sibling can be contagious and can infect a church, be reinforced unwittingly by even your parents, invade your extended family, and travel far more widely than you ever intended.

As your parent, I am begging you to resist this. The earlier part of Ecclesiastes 4:12 says, “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.” Don’t let the one be overpowered – not because of lifestyle differences, because of choices, because of geographical difference, or because of Satan himself. Use your two-ness to battle for the one, not against the one.

I hope as you age that I catch you sometimes covering for each other. That you giggle at inside jokes that cause your dad and me to shrug in ignorance. And if two of you ever approach us and say, we think you’re treating the one unfairly, I pray God gives us grace to listen and to be profoundly grateful.

In all likelihood, there will come a day when your father and I have left you together on earth while we’ve journeyed to heaven. We need to know that you have each other. You share the same DNA, but more importantly, the same memories. Please be a cord. Pray for one another. Be cognizant of the subtleties of exclusion. Celebrate together. Mourn together. Fight hard to be connected. Love each others’ kids. Love each others’ spouse, no matter how annoying they are. Doing so is a gift of love to your sibling. Hang in there during rough patches of the one. Each of you will have your turns experiencing life’s trials and you need each other. Most vitally, fiercely love Jesus and serve Him together. I’m not convinced that loving Jesus separately is truly loving Jesus at all.

Your dad and I will be cheering you on and praying for our cord of three, both here and in the eternal. We love you more than you could know. In fact more than we ourselves even understand.

Love,
Mom